An Open Letter to New Parents: Understanding Today’s Grandparents

Long before TikTok and baby apps, your parents were busy rewriting the rules. They became the first wave of families where it was practically expected that mothers would build careers and raise children, and fathers were urged to take a more active role at home. They began stepping away from physical punishment and toward communication, seeing children not as side stories but as central characters in family life. Those parents—today’s grandparents—were change makers, and that identity runs deep.

What New Grandparents Think: They Were the Generation of Change, Too

Many of today’s new grandparents grew up in households where fathers weren’t involved with caring for their children. But when it was their turn, things started to shift. Dads became more hands-on—coaching, carpooling, showing up. Mothers entered the workforce in record numbers, often managing both careers and childcare, while shouldering most of the invisible mental labor that held family life together.

It was a time of cultural transformation. Parents began to question the “because I said so” approach they had grown up with. They stopped relying on physical discipline and tried to raise their kids with more empathy and communication. Children weren’t side characters anymore; they were treasured priorities.

These parents—now grandparents—were proud to be different, and their choices weren’t always popular. Some breastfed when it wasn’t yet mainstream. They searched for La Leche League meetings and compared notes at Barnes & Noble long before lactation consultants were easy to find. They were the “participation trophy” parents, intent on building confidence in their kids.

So when they say “We were modern parents,” they mean it. That sense of being pioneers is part of their identity—which is why it stings when they’re told their ways are obsolete.

How Parenting Has Changed Over Generations

Now, you’re a parent in your own generation of transformation. Trends change so quickly, it can happen between pregnancies. You have access to more information—and more opinions—than any parents in history. Advice floods in from influencers, online forums, and parenting apps. It’s empowering…and also overwhelming.

To your parents, this flood of information can feel like chaos. They once saw themselves as the generation that reinvented parenting, and now they’re trying to navigate a landscape that evolves weekly. They’re adjusting to a world where everything comes with a vocabulary they’ve never heard, and since they don’t share your IG algorithms, the only time they hear these terms is when they’re with you. They didn’t spend months following influencers, and their friends aren’t also home with newborns.

When they hear phrases like contact naps or sleep regressions, it may sound like a foreign language—and in a way, it is. It’s easy to misinterpret their confusion as ignorance or judgment.

Bridging the Gap Between Parents and Grandparents

The real challenge isn’t whose way is right—it’s how to stay connected. Recognizing that today’s grandparents were once the generation of change themselves can soften these moments. They understand progress; they’ve lived it. At the same time, they’re seeing things through the lens of someone who’s traveled the entire parenting journey—from the first sleepless nights to watching their own children become parents. Their insights and opinions come from a wider angle. It’s okay if they don’t always align with yours. It took strength for them to be change agents. It will take strength for you, too.

A small dose of curiosity goes a long way. Ask them about what felt new or radical when they became parents. You may find more common ground than you expect: a shared desire to do better, to create a kinder world for the next generation.

Both generations of pioneers want the same thing—to raise children who feel safe, loved, and confident. When we take the time to listen, we start bridging the gap between parents and grandparents, honoring the pioneers who came before us while embracing the evolving wisdom of today.