Bridging the Cultural Gap Between Parents and Grandparents

Do you ever have a sense that you and your parents are speaking different languages? Their vocabulary around parenting may be completely foreign, leaving a conversation within your own family feeling like a cross-cultural exchange.

A mom recently described hearing the term front pack instead of today’s baby carrier and her own reaction as “So cringey that the conversation was lost.” A perfect example of the power of words.

Parenting Constantly Changes

In your parents’ culture, babies might have slept on their sides because that was the up-to-date advice of the day. “Because I said so,” might have been seen as a gentle alternative to spanking. There were stuffed animals and blankets in cribs. Had there been TikTok at the time, their feeds would have been full of crib bumpers, baby quilts, and swings that startled the baby every time they were cranked for another round. These were cultural norms.

Many of their choices weren’t just personal preferences; they were shaped by what was available and what was valued at the time. Pediatricians encouraged side-sleeping “to prevent choking”. Parents trusted brands because advertising felt like authority. Safety standards were evolving, and information moved slowly. These weren’t signs of ignorance—they were reflections of their world. And just as we may someday look back on white-noise machines, oxygen-monitoring socks, and parenting influencers with a wince, your parents were doing the best they could inside the same fog of advice and pressure that surrounds us today.

Parenting has always been a moving target—and no generation gets to keep                    its version for long.

Consider: what if your parents aren’t clueless or inept—they’re cultural representatives of another time, plunked into a foreign land? How would thinking, “They’ll figure it out, but they may still prefer some of the old customs—and they might never fully lose their accents,” shape your time together?

Curiosity Changes Everything

If your neighbor from across the globe described how they care for their baby, you might say:

“That’s fascinating—tell me more. It’s really different here.”

You’d listen. Maybe you’d compare experiences. You might even feel quietly confident that the choices you’re making are the “right” ones. But you probably wouldn’t say, “That’s wrong. You’re irrelevant. Please stop talking.”

So why do we sometimes talk to our parents that way?

When we approach parenting differences with curiosity instead of correction, everything softens. Curiosity makes space for both worlds to exist. It signals, I see how you came to your choices. I appreciate your sharing them.

Curiosity doesn’t erase real conflicts, but it can change the temperature of the room. Think of curiosity as one more tool for navigating family dynamics.

Bridging Parenting Differences Between Generations

A few ways to navigate these differences:

• Acknowledge change. “I know things were different when we babies and some of this may seem foreign to you.”

• Invite stories. “What was my first food? How old was I?”

• Share discoveries. “My friends are doing things this way, but it’s not really working for me. I’m finding this to be the best fit for us.”

These can turn advice battles into cultural exchanges, helping  everyone to feel more connected, rather than participants in a parenting debate.

Seeing Grandparents as Ambassadors

It can be helpful to picture grandparents as ambassadors. They come bearing the customs and language of their home culture. You may not adopt their practices, but you can appreciate their roots—and recognize that dismissing their personal culture as wrong does nothing to build connection.

When they use an expression that feels ancient, try to receive it as a translation issue, not a character flaw. When grandparents offer advice, keep in mind that they're reaching into their bank of strategies. It’s an outdated bank, yes, but try to avoid assigning it less value just because the word choice makes you cringe.

Remember, wisdom doesn’t vanish just because it’s spoken with an accent.